Splinter Therapy

2008 P.F. Change - Roles and Goals - Husband & Father

Although much of my thinking has shifted a great deal in recent years, my thoughts on being a husband and father have not changed much at all - if any.  The purpose of the PF Change series of posts is to list ways that I am preparing myself and our family for what might be a significant transition in our lives in the years ahead.  I thought about not including this role in this series of posts since it is not a new role created by the pending shift.  However, for the sake of completeness, I wanted to list all the roles I plan to have if and when the time to make the leap ever comes.

BTW, I think my wife and children would laugh if they read this.  Altough I do have these mission statements always running in the back of my mind, I fall extremely short of achieving them. 

If I had to put down a mission statement for my role as husband, it would look something like:

Husband:  As a husband I inted to:
  -Model's God's love for the church to my wife
     -unconditional
     -sacrificial
     -patient
     -slow to anger
     -kind
     -keeps no record of wrongs
     -protect
     -trust
     -committed
  -Participate in mutual spiritual transformation in my personal life and as a couple and thus expand the kingdom of God within ourselves and our family

In theory marriage should not be a place where I hope to get my needs met.  I hope that God uses us to meet each other's needs, but that should never be the end goal - just a means to the end of a closer relationship to God.  I have much work to do here.

Father:  In regard to parenting I believe it all boils down to this:

As a father I exist to model (to the best of my ability) God's character, competence, and intentions to my children with the hope and expectation that as they age they will transition much easier into a trusting, faithful, and direct relationship with their Heavenly Father.

Over the years I have subdivided many of the goals and associated tasks for these two roles into the following categories.  Remember these are just ideas for things I could DO to help meet the mission above; they are not the mission themselves.  Again, this is pretty sloppy; I am just copying and pasting from thoughts I have collected over the years. I stole the categories from Stephen Covey:

Love
-marriage retreat or conference - one per year
-marriage counseling checkups (like going to get a physical with the doctor each year)
-give a night out to my wife each week for her to refuel the tanks
-date night each week (or at least every other week)
-stay pure in regard to unhealthy thoughts or images
-plan well for birthdays, anniversary, mother's day, valentine's day, etc.
-daily pursue what is on the heart of my wife and children
-spend as much time (quantity is quality for children) as possible with my children each day

Lead
- disciple children (teach them how to grow in relationship to God)
  -discuss each week's Sunday School lesson
  -pray each night with them
  -slowly introduce them to varisous spiritual disciplines as they mature
-discipline children
  -focus on heart not behavior
  -develop some skill building for myself in this area (read books, talk to other parents, etc.)
-teach my children skills that they will need to know in order to function well and succeed in kingdom expansion
     -budgeting, investing
     -how to make conversation / small talk
     -how to golf
     -how to defend themselves
     -etc.  I have a list of 58 things.  If you are interested in the list, please email me.  I would love to share ideas on this - anything not on the list that should be?
-help develop their character and values:
     -integrity
     -courage
     -compassion
     -respect for authority
     -non-violent resistance when appropriate
     -self-discipline / delayed gratification
     -love for the church
     -patience
     -persistence
     -optimism
     -power of diversity
-simplify lives
-create rhythm (time management thing)

Provide and Protect
-live on budget
-invest in college education fund each month
-work toward long term-financial goals of becoming debt free
-create "death notebook":  collection of phone numbers, instructions, insurance policies, passwords, etc. in the event of my sudden death
-have emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses
-carry disability insurance
-carry life insurance
-carry home insurance
-carry car insurance
-will
-find Godparents for children
-emergency preparedness in the event of global catastrophe (e.g. pandemic) resulting in JIT shutdown
-fire escape plan and drills at home

I would welcome any input that anyone has in regard to anything listed above. 

Next Role:  Time Management Consultant / Coach

2008 P.F. Change - Roles and Goals - Introduction

At the beginning of this series I mentioned that to best advance God's kingdom we need to grow in our ability to hear his voice and grow in our faith such that we can respond to what we hear.  I also suggested that many times God chooses to expand his kingdom though the intersection of the world's needs and our stewardship package which consists of everything within our sphere of influence (passions, talents, gifts, financial resources, experiences, etc.).  I have spent the last two months detailing those items in my own life. 

Before laying out the details of what I feel like I might be hearing from God, I wanted to make some disclaimers and some general comments about the upcoming posts:

1.  The things I list in the days ahead are not set in stone.  I have not decided that leaving my current job is the route I need to go.  There are several things that make me feel that I need to stay in my current job - at least for a while longer, if not indefinitely. 

• So much of what I am steward of is specific to this job:  I have learned so much and have so many experiences unique to my current job - the industry, the products, the people, etc.  I can not discount those things when evaluating moving forward into something else.  My job is overwhelming and stressful at times (but whose isn't - ok, maybe a government job wouldn't be this way), but I will never leave because of work stress.  If I leave it will be a faith-based decision - not a reaction to the job itself.
• I actually enjoy my job most of the time.  I enjoy some of the products.  I have friends throughout East Tennessee.  I get a lot of time to myself while in my car.  Everyday is different.  I enjoy working out of my home (blessing and curse).  I feel that I am good at what I do. 
• The learning curve for this job is behind me.  There are always new products to learn and there are always details about existing products that I need to know more about.  However, I feel like I have the basic fundamentals of the industry, products, and people pretty well figured out.  As much as I enjoy learning new things, the idea of starting over is intimidating and mentally exhausing to even consider.   
• The job pays more than what I would make venturing out.  I am not really motivated by money or material things, but to leave would force my family to sacrifice in ways that seems selfish on my part.
• If the time comes that I need to leave my current job, I will make sure to leave well.  I will stay until the right person is found to replace me.  I will have the territory cleaned up, maintained, organized such that the new person will inherit as little mess as possible.

2.  Toe in the water / Juggling Act / Spinning Plates
I have tried to figure out a way to move forward with the things bouncing around in my head AND stay in my current job.  There are definitely things I plan on doing this year which will allow me to put my toe in the water, but I will be forced to choose just one thing as opposed to moving forward with all of them; you can only put so many toes in the water before your whole foot is wet.  Unfortunately, I am having trouble deciding which new role should receive the focused attention.  I shift from thinking, "OK, concentrate on this one" whenever I see the need manifested that I know I can help meet. 

There are some times that I think, "Putting your toe in the water is all well and good, but the time is coming when you will be required to step out of the boat altogether - otherwise it is not really responding in faith is it?"  I believe a point is coming where I will either need to fish or cut bait - all or nothing.  Of course, I have some ideas on how to navigate through this as well, if and when that time comes.

3.  Free Agent.  Daniel Pink, in his book Free Agent Nation suggests as time passes more and more people will become free agents of one sort or another:  contract employees, consultants, freelancers, etc.  These people are paid by project, commission, or on some other temporal basis.  At the time he wrote the book he believed that 33 milion Americans were already free agents - about 1/4 of the workforce.  These people eat only what they kill; they don't have a regular paycheck coming in every two weeks.

This resonates with me.  If I decide to move forward with these things, I will in essence become a free agent.  I won't necessarily become a one trick pony, but have multiple free agent roles going on at the same time thus multiple avenues to expand the kingdom of God as well as create multiple income streams.  I won't point it out in my posts, but I hope the reader of this blog will notice that the opportunity for synergy exists between many of the roles that I will outline in the days ahead.  I would not be surprised if one role in particular expands such that hard choices may have to be made, or, somehow all the roles merge together so cohesively that somehow they become like one role.

4.  Roles and Goals
In the inerest of time, I will basically be listing the roles I have in mind and the associated goals for each of them.  For the most part I will be copying and pasting from thoughts I have collected and organized over the last 5 or 6 years.  As tempted as I will be to comment on each of them, I really hope to finish this blog series in the next few weeks so that I can devote more time to the roles themselves. Therefore, this final series of posts may appear more choppy and sloppy than what I have posted thus far on this topic.

Tomorrow I will post goals and objectives for the role that I am most passionate about.  It is actually a role I already have and will continue to have for many years to come.  I invest so much of myself into this role already - time, energy, thought, prayer, emotion, etc.  It is a role shared by many - Husband & Father.

 

 

2008 P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Experiences

Below is a quick list of some of the experiences that I now see as part of my stewardship package.  In no way is this a complete list - just some events that have prepared me and even made it imperative that I move forward with the specific plans that I will outline in a future post. 

These are not in any particular order - basically stream of consciousness:

Apple IIc
At some point during my childhood years my parents bought me an Apple IIc.  I was fascinated by computer programming.    We received a magazine called Family Computing which listed BASCIC programs that one could write - they were typically small and had maginal usefulness, but it was amazing for me to see how it all worked.  I saw how it gave one the ability to create.  Programming also required much forethought and even some organization skills.  To this day I still buy books and magazines on computer programming - I am currently working through Access 2007 - Visual Basic for Applications Programming.  As  good as my current job has been to me, I think I should have chosen a career in this field. 

127
Just after getting married I helped form a ministry at our church for young, married couples.  At the time our church was motivated to get people into small groups.  I invested a lot of energy into this, but ultimately I felt like it was a failure; I didn't get the sense that lives were being transformed in the groups.  Simultaneously, I served on some leadership teams whose purpose was to figure out how to best disciple the body.  I felt like God gave me a structure that would do this, but it was never accepted by others on the team. 

MLI
MLI was a 2 year seminary-lite program that my church offered to lay leaders.  It became a safe haven for me to ask questions and explore out loud the questions about orthodoxy that had always troubled me.  There were several people in the class with similar questions, and somehow knowing I wasn't alone was very therapeutic for me.  It made me realize how much people need a safe place to really explore the things that bother them. 

Small Group
I have been in 3 small groups over the last 12 years.  I have seen God move in powerful ways in each one of them.  I broke free and truly began to follow hard after God in my first one.  I was part of a group that provided support and love to several who did not get that anywhere else.  And the group I am in now (last 7+ years) has primarily been a safety net for each of the people in the group as crises have rotated through each family. 

Willow Creek
While I was serving in a lay-leader role at my church they would send me to Willow Creek Community Church for various seminars.  Although I think the mega-church model is collapsing from within, I will always have a place in my heart for that church and their pastor Bill Hybels.  They taught me that God's Plan A (and there is no Plan B) is for God to redeem the world through the church, and thus "The church is hope of the world."  I also saw that church did not always have to be done "half-ass" to borrom a term from my dad.  They had a commitment to excellence in everything they did.  Many people in that church had bought into the vision and consequently centered their lives around what the church was trying to accomplish.  The results were powerful.  They claim that excellence honors God and draws people to himself.  I agree.

Windshield Time
I spend a lot of time driving in my job.  It has given me a lot of time to think and pray.  It is in the seat of my Ford Taurus and now Honda Accord that I have worked through many of the things that give my mind unease.  I was once concerned that I was not really learning any skills in my job.  I had seen apprentice electricians go out and start their own electrical contracting business.  What skill was I learning that would allow me to go into business for myself? I felt trapped into being a salesman of electrical products for the rest of my life.  I worked through a lot of this and realize that I have actually learned various skills in my job - time management, netowrking, giving presentations, art of conversation / small talk, etc. 

Knowledge Worker
I am not an assembly line worker; I am a knowledge worker.  My days are not structured for me; there is an endless possibility of things I can do each day.  How do I decide what is the best use of my time?  How do I pack more in to the same amount of time?  Since there is always more that could be done, how do I set boundaries between work and personal life?  Is there anyway to live in both worlds simultaneously?  In my 12+ years in my current job, I have spent a great amount of time working out some time management principles. Within the last year I feel like I found the last piece of the "time management" puzzle.  I have shared my philosophy and tactics with others and have seen fruit in their lives, and I have seen how much of a need there is out there for help in this area. 

Mighty Yellow Jackets
After losing to Pell City in the first round of the high school football playoffs for the third year in a row, one of our assistant coaches made it his personal mission in life to push us beyond where we had ever been.  For the next 9 months we all hated that man.  I remember throwing up on the track several times.  I remember my body being extremely sore 4 days a week - every week.  I remember banging my shins on this box because I just could no longer jump high enough to make it to the top.  All of that, and i was just a benchwarmer.  That season we went 14-0 and won the state championship - the first time our high school had ever done that.  I saw somoene push us beyond where we would have pushed ourselves.  I saw what happens when a group of people truly work together as a team.  I saw that all of us wanted to be part of what was happening - there was a magic in the air after those first few games when we realized how much better we were than everyone else (I even got to play!).  There is power in being part of team full of committed and passionate people, and each team needs a leader/coach who will push the team ouf of their comfort zone.

Networking
For some reason I have always enjoyed networking.  Here are two examples:
-hooking small group leaders up with mentors
-managing my personal contacts so that when someone is looking to hire someone or they need to send a prayer request out they call me to help them out
For reasons I don't fully understand I thoroughly enjoy feeling like I help others connect with resources they need.

Papers, Blogs, and Letters
Writing has been so good for me.  I was surprised to learn how much I enjoyed it and how beneficial it was for me to organize my thoughts.

CS Lewis, Ayn Rand, and Flannery O'Connor
A friend recently reminded me of the power of fiction.  It is hard to write a non-fiction book.  However, writing a story that takes the same principles and ideas typically expressed in non-fiction and place them into the context of a story is much more difficult.  My 10th grade English teacher (which happened to be my mom) always told us "Show.  Don't tell."  You don't tell a reader that somoene is strong; you provide illustrations such that the reader will come to that conclusion based on what the character says and does.  Telling a story brings ideas to life - it puts skin on the skeleton.  We are wired to learn and absorb through stories.   Over the years, I have learned the power of story from various authors, preachers and friends.

Well, those are some highlights.  I am sure I will think of others as soon as I post this.  However, I am ready to start listing the specific plans and dreams I have for the future - bascially the things I feel called to do in order to best invest the stewardship package (gifts, talents, passion, assets, experiences, etc.) for kingdom purposes.

 

   

Thomas Paine

One of my problems with orthodoxy has always been that it doesn't seem to take into account the vastness of the universe.  One of two possibilities exist - we are either God's only self-conscious creation in the universe or self-conscious beings exist(ed)/will exist on other worlds.  If the latter is true, then they are either sinless beings or they are in need of redeemer like us.  Until today, I thought I was the only person who seemed to struggle with reconciling this with our need of perfect sacrifice to simultaneously satisfy God's justness and holiness. 

Of course, there is nothing new under the sun.  I found a quote from Thomas Paine in a book I was reading this morning, The Varieties of Scientific Experience by Carl Sagan:

"From whence, then, could arise the solitary and strange conceit that the Almighty, who had millions of worlds equally dependent on his protection, should quit the care of all the rest, and come to die in our world because, they say, one man and one woman ate the apple?  And, on the other hand, are we to suppose that every world in the boundless creation had an Eve, an apple, a serpent, and a Redeemer?"

It feels good to know that I am not alone in this thought even if it does come from a deist.

2008 P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Gifts, Talents, Skills

Today I hope to cover what I consider to be my gifts, talents, and skills.  I put these three together because I have not come up with a clear cut way to define the boundaries between gifts and talents nor talents and skills.  If I were forced, I think my definitions would include terms such as "being" and "hard-wiring" for gifts and "doing" and "developed" for talents and skills.

My Spiritual Gifts - in order of their strength

1.  Administration.  I am great at planning, organizing and supervising others.  I would make a horrible pastor or president; however, I would make a great behind-the-scenes person.  I feel that I am gifted in knowing what needs to be done and how to get it done.

 

2.  Evangelism.  I don't own a Matlock type suit; I am not planning to have any appearances on TBN; I don't own a megaphone and stand on street corners telling people they are going to hell (I do a pretty good job of this while sitting in my car!).  I don't go knock on doors during "visitation night".  I don't volunteer my services for "revivals" that are scheduled months in advance.  I don't own any "4 spiritual law" tracts.  I don't know all the words to "Just As I Am", etc. etc. etc.

However, I am wired to share good news.  If I ever find something that works for me or has impacted my ife in any meaningful way, I want to share it with others.  That is what has been so frustrating to me about my spiritual journey of recent years - I felt like I have found the holistic / integrated wordview that so many people are longing for, but I felt like my hands have been tied from sharing it with anyone.  From an integrated worldview to the joy of owning a TiVo, to an impactful book or song, I want to help others by sharing with them things that have impacted  my life.

 

3.  Discernment.  I feel that I have a pretty good ability to discern the emotional state of others in most situations.  I also feel like I can tell (most of the time) between sheep and wolves.  I have always tried to put myself in the shoes of others in any situation and wonder how I would think or feel in their situation.  Also, I have always paid very close attention to body language.  I think the combination of these two things have given me a great ability to "read" people.  I am by no means perfect at this - I have made many misreads, but in the wide majority of instances I have been proven right in my assumptions.

Talents / Skills.  I am combinging these two things since the line between them is so gray.

I am always looking for how I am different from others.  What things can I DO better than those around me.  As an example, I have learned that in a group of 100 Americans between the ages of 15 and 50, I think I could beat 95 of them in ping-pong.  I made this bold claim at one of my small group meetings one night and then ate some humble pie soon after that after when one of the guys in the group took great joy in beating me.  Tasty.  Yum. Thank you, sir.  May I have another?  But, you get the point - what talents and skills do I have in my toolbox that i can use for kingdom work - here is my list:

 

1.  Organizing.  Not the most admired of talents, but I am off the charts when it comes to organizing things - from structuring organizations and teams to the top-right hand drawer of my desk.  I was still in high school when I purchased this great little drawer container - it was 12 little drawers contained in a grey, plastic casing.  Three rows high, 4 columns wide.  I took great pleasure in putting my paper clips here, my spare lead for my mechanical pencil there, etc.  Ahhh.  Good times.  I truly think that was the beginning of what has become an obsession of mine (many would say - including my wife - that I am a little OCD).  I think the desire to be organized is driven by what seems to be this constant fight I have against time - I am always looking for ways to find more time; so, being organized allows me to find little pockets here and there, and I never lose time looking for things.  I think it also stems from my desire to create holistic patterns of thinking and living.  I am always trying to assimilate information into patterns and hierarchies that make more sense of the whole as well as become more retrievable for future reference purposes.

 

2.  Time Management.  This is a kissing cousin of the item above.  From the daily tasks to the big picture, I have deveoped a workable and practical way to manage time.  From ideas I have picked up from various authors to concepts I have developed out of necessity in my job and family life. I think I have a workable, teachable, and doable system for being good stewards of the time God has given to each of us.  Our choices are too open-ended - we suffer from paralysis by analysis.  Most people succumb to the "tyranny of the urgent".  We are looking for balance - especially between our work and family life. We don't have any direction in our life.  The list goes on and on.  I feel that I have something to share with others here, and I can tell there is a huge need for it.

 

3.  Networking People.  For reasons I don't understand, I love connecting people.  I once was the leader of community group at our church.  At the time we were trying to become a small group driven church.  I was horrible at leading the group in many ways (most people confuse gifts of administration with the gift of leadership - I think I am very strong in the former and average at the latter), but I was great at connecting people into small groups.  Nothing gave me more pleasure than to think that lives were being changed in the context of a small group because I played some small role in putting them all together.  Don't get me wrong, many times putting people together felt like herding cats, but at the end of the day things always worked out. 

I think most people want to be part of team - a team where the sum is greater than the parts by themselves.  I thrive on helping to create these teams.

I also get a great thrill when I can connect people - I love it when deals are struck at my poker table; or, when I can give a recommendation to a customer when they are looking to hire someone, etc.  I don't know why, but something comes alive in me when I do this.

 

4.  Small talk.  This is not a gift.  I am not naturally gifted at conversation.  I am an off-the-chart introvert.  I hate small-talk.  It's just so, well, small.  I want to talk about deep things and matters of the heart.  I am inerested in news, sports, weather, but in only brief doses.  However, the world is currently an extrovert world, and I have to live in it and play by their rules.  As much as I hate it, every sales call I make starts off by talking about the fish on the wall or asking, "how's your momma and them?".   

They say some of the best baseball managers are those that were only marginal players.  Since they were naturally talented they were always studying the game as players in an attempt to get an edge and thus attempt to level the playing field.  I feel that way in this "skill".  By not being good at it, I have studied the skill of making light conversation, and I now consider myself pretty good at it.  My wife knows how quickly my tanks run dry in small talk scenarios; so, she is constantly amazed at how well I do.

   

5.  Ping-pong.  Despite losing to 1 of the 12 people in my small group; I still consider myself to be in the top 5% of all American ping-pong players.

Nothing to sexy or exciting.   I really don't have the gifts that most people admire.  I don't consider myself a good leader.  I am not a good teacher (at least in the traditional methods of teaching - like lecturing or giving sermons).  I don't speak in tongues (unless you consider Pig Latin).   

I don't imagine many people crying out in desperation for God to give them the gift of administration.  But, I love that I can play that role in Kingdom work.  I am very thankful for what God has given me; I get very excited about the ideas I have for putting these things into use for the Kingdom.

The last puzzle piece of the stewardship package is experience.  We all have experiences that make up a big part of who we are as people.  I will outline some of those in my next post.

2008 P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Passions

In my first post on this topic, I mentioned that I once heard a pastor say that your calling is the intersection of your passions and the world's needs.  Of course, upon hearing that I immediately thought I should start a ministry to Super Models. However, my passions run far deeper than the pages of Victoria's Secret.  Here is a list of my passions in life:

 

1.  The Kingdom of God
I am passionate about pursuing after God.  I think this includes always coming to a deeper understanding of who He is, and what He is doing in the world.  This involves a life of submission to Him and helping others to do the same.  I am tyring desperately to center my entire life around Kingdom Living.  All of my passions (at least the healthy ones) flow out of this one pursuit.  I am convinced that this was also the driving passion of all that Jesus did.

 

2.  Freedom.  One of the great paradoxes of a life of submission to God is the freedom it brings.  I believe God values freedom; He never forces Himself on anyone.  Therefore, I am passionate about freedom as well.  I think fighting for and maintaing freedom should be one of the core pursuits of every human - both in our personal lives and in our structure of government.  We should never force ourselves on others or allow others to force themselves on us or anyone else.  I truly believe that if Jesus were alive today he would resonate with the platform of the Libertarian party because it is only when we are free that we have the opportunity to be good.

 

3.  Learning.  Like freedom, I think a love of learning flows out of my passion for the Kingdom of God.  Everytime I learn something I feel that I gain a greater understanding of God.  I am in constant pursuit of obtaining information and analyzing experiences (mine and others) which I then attempt to assimilate / reconcile with my current understanding of reality / truth.  Interaction with others, Books (fiction and non-fiction), Documenataries, Movies, Podcasts, Sermons, The Teaching Company Productions, iTunes U, etc.  Learning is a form of worship to me.  I enter deeper levels of awe, wonder, and reverence anytime I feel like I have an understanding of reality that I didn't have before.

 

4.  Paradigm Shifts.  This is a close-cousin of the bullet point above this one.  Have you ever seen that drawing of the old hag that is also the picture of a beautiful woman when you learn to look at differently?  I love that kind of thing.  I have learned that most people react violently whenever their current understanding of truth is challenged or questioned.  I love it - more than anything else, I would say this one trait differentiates me from most people.  If my view of reality is flawed in some way, I want to know.  I have never thought that the truth needed to be afraid of anything - if it is TRUE, it will stand up to any test with flying colors and come out unscathed on the other side.  I think there is wisdom in always being open to having one's worldview change:
     -Only the scientists who were open to paradigm shifts were able to see the beauty and genius of Einstein's theories of relativity and the theories involving quantum mechanics.
     -It was only the people open to paradigm changes that were able to see the wisdom and truth taught and lived by Martin Luther
     -It was only the people who were open to seeing things in new ways that were able to accept Jesus as the promised Messiah while he walked the earth

In fact, I believe it is the people who blindly defend their current paradims who prevent Kingdom Expansion and the maturation of the human species.  Ironcially, it has always been the people who defended existing paradigms who harmed the cause they were so passionately defending.

Please note, that I am not saying that CHANGES in paradims are good things; I am just stating that we should all be open to paradigm shifts and even constantly questioning our existing paradigm so that we can come to deeper understandings of truth and therefore the character and competency of God.  Even though this passion has created more heartburn and anxiety than probably anything else in my life, I am so thankful that I am wired this way.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

5.  The Future.  I am doing a better job of living in the now, but I love to think about the future.  My interest in the future is driven by several things:
  -I love contemplating how new understandings of truth and technology will manifest themselves in the days ahead. 
  -I enjoy spotting trends, rhythms, and cycles and attempting to figure out how these things will play out
  -Like Joseph preparing for the 7 years of famine in Egypt, I want to be able to provide and protect my family in times of immense pain and suffering if such a time were to come in our lifetime (this is a topic all to itself).  Therefore, I am interested in anything that I think could initiate such a future.
  -I think I have a responsibility to prepare myself and my children for what lies ahead.  Wayne Gretzky once said, "A good hockey player plays where the puck is.  A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be."  As a follower of Christ, I feel that I have a responsibility to lead my family and anyone else who wants to follow into the future.  It feels as if non-Christian culture / secular society is pulling the church along like a Sherpa dragging someone up Mt. Everest.  Shouldn't those who follow Christ be leading our culture instead of the other way around?  There are many clues lying around as to what the future holds, but very few people seem to take notice and will thus be woefully unprepared to help themselves or others when the future becomes the now.   
  -I have always had a passion for biblical prophecy (especially end times prophecies), and I enjoy documentaries on Nostradamus, Mayan end time predictions, etc.

Like most of my passions, my passion for the future is both a blessing and a curse.  I feel that God has wired me this way to help others during transitional times.  As I contemplate what lies ahead, I am filled with so many emotions:  excitement, anxiety, anticipation, and nervousness.  Like a football player in the locker room before the game, I look forward to the start of the game - I am ready to engage with what the future holds.

 

6.  Passion to Create.  There is something deep within me that wants to create.  Creativity is simply figuring out how to manifest our thoughts and ideas into the material world.  I enjoy contemplating organizational structures that will better serve the existing needs of people.  I want to write a novel.  I enjoy the attempt to articulate my thoughts on this blog.  I have several ideas for computer programs I want to write.  The list goes on and on.  In fact, one of my greatest problems is trying to figure out where I should place my creative focus. 

 

7.  My Family.  Every passion listed above has been somewhat general.  This is my first really specific passion.  I am wildly passionate about my family.  You know those crazy parents at little league games - I "get that" now that I have kids of my own; you become irrational when it comes to your children.  Whenever I see potential arrows being shot at my wife or children's hearts, I feel the Rambo within coming to life.  I truly have to suppress rage toward little chidlren when I feel that they have said or done something that is damaging to my children in any way.  So much of what I do is driven by the irrational love and passion I have for my family.  I often wonder if they have become my idol.  I have no doubt that I would take (or deliver) a bullet if that is what it took to protect my wife and children. (By the way, I could not find a good Rambo picture; so I just used Photoshop to superimpose Sylvester Stallone's face onto  a picture of my body.)

This is a list (although probably incomplete) of passions that I have.  These drive so much of what I do.  They are core to who I am, and a big part of how I am wired. 

Tomorrow I will continue with defining my stewardship package by listing my gifts, talents, and skills; so, it should be a very short post! 
   

   

P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Finances, Time, Place, Health

In regard to my "Stewardship Package", today I will provide some detail on four fundamental categories:  Financial Assets, Time, Place, and Health.

Financial Assets:
-We have a roof over our head and food on our table every night.
-We have lights that run on electricity, running/filtered water, and a HVAC system that keeps our home at a constant 70+ degree temperature.
-We have no consumer debt and our cars are paid for
-Be prepared to be disgusted.  We have enough disposable income to:
   -spend $35 on our cable bill each month
   -spend over $1,000 a year on babysitting (one year it was over $2,000)
   -spend over $100/month in our combined "slush" fund accounts
   -go out on a date and/or get take-out every week
   -send our children to a private pre-school
   -spend more than we should on Christmas each year
   -go on vacations each year that cost at least $1,000 - typically closer to $1,500.
   -have a membership at the Little Gym for two of our children
   -have closets with way more clothes than we need including one closet with about 100 pink outfits in it (all of which will be too small in about 3 months).
   -basically buy any book, cd, or dvd we want whenever we want it
   -pay for a subscription to Netflix
   -have a Sirius satellite radio subscription
   -spend $75 on a cell phone bill each month
   -have a wall full of elfa shelves that support bins full of toys
   -subscribe to at leat 7 (It may be more - I have lost count) magazines as a family
   -buy electronic gadgets and gizmos (ipods, 3 computers, tivo, dvd recorder, etc.)
   -pay for any home repair problems that come up on a regular basis
-We own a piece of rental property and 1/5 of another piece of rental property with 4 other investors.
-We have two safety nets - an emergency fund with enough money to provide for 6 months of bare bone living expenses and a retirement account that my company invests and controls for me
-We have a life insurance policy that would allow my wife and children to live off the interest for a lengthy period of time (at least until the kids were out of college) if I were to die sometime in the next 17 years (If I die in an one car accident, somebody check to make sure my brake fluid line isn't cut!!!)
-Several pieces of nice antique furniture that we have inherited from our families
-A jar full of loose change which includes my poker winnings
-A book and CD collection that I could sell at a used book store for several thousand dollars
-A Takamine and a 40th anniversary Fender Stratocaster.
-Our two boys have piggy banks which currently have about $15 and $5
-Baseball card collection that is probably worth a few thousand dollars 
-At some point this year we expect to win the Powerball lottery.  We buy tickets with 19 other investors whenever the lottery goes over $100M.

In regard to the safety nets (financial and life insurance), I have often wondered how biblical those are.  Am I putting my trust in my ability to take care of myself, or is God providing for us by having us invest in such things.  Birds don't stow away in barns and Jesus sent the disciples out with nothing in their pockets, but Larry Burkett and Dave Ramsey preach safety nets.  As with most things I don't think there is a yes/no - black/white answer; I am sure it is a matter of our heart.

Also, one last note on the topic of financial assets.  I believe we have to see everything we own as God's.  Thus, I own nothing.  Therefore, if I know someone who has followed after God and it has left them with nothing, the reality is that everything I own is as much his as it is mine.  I am left with the responsibility of deciding what to do with the money, but my perspective should be one of communal possession.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think the government nor even a homeowner's association should be able to pick and choose how the money entrusted to my care should be divided among others - that is strictly my responsibility - I am the steward of my finances, not the government.  However, I should see my possessions (all of them) as kingdom property and thus available to all kingdom dwellers.

Time
Unlike money, we all have the same amount of time each day.  Since this entire series (P.F. Change) is about time management, I won't post any details here.  However, how we use our time is extremely important and it is becomingly increasingly more complex as we move into the information and conceptual ages.

Place (Geography and "Place in time")
-Like you, we live now.  It is the year 2008.  It is my belief that this is a period of significant change in the history of humanity - a change only equaled in magnitude by two previous eras in all of human history.  These are transitional times and thus full of anxiety, confusion, and conflict.
-We live in Knoxville, TN - a city of about 300,000 people in the full "metropolitan" area
-We live in one of the largest neighborhoods in Knoxville (1000+ addresses on the neighborhood mailing list).  The neighborhood is old and is thus in the process of turning over.  Our next door neighbors live in a house that is 60 years old, and they are the original owners!  It is also worth noting that we have a very organized and powerful neighborhood association.
-Our entire social network consists of young (30-somethings), white, middle-class Americans (not proud of this, just stating facts)
-We attend an evangelical church which has drifted over recent years to become more like the Southern Baptist church in which I was raised as opposed to the church I joined 12 years ago which considered itself to be the merger of two great streams of faith (Word and Power).
-In comparison to most people, I woud say that I have a pretty diverse (at least philosophically) social network: 
    -I have close friends who are evangelical, agnostic, deistic, and "eastern philosophy/religion"
    -With a few exceptions, I do a pretty good job of keeping in touch with those people with whom I  have crossed paths:  high school friends, college friends, previous co-workers, co-ministry laborers from church, etc.
-My job takes me over all of East Tennessee on business.  I have been doing the same job for over 12 years.  Therefore, I have several deep relationships with customers and dotted-line co-workers within a 2 hour driving radius of our home.

Health
-I am 37 years old
-I am not in a wheelchair.
-I am in possession of all my limbs, fingers and toes
-I am not aware of having any terminal illnesses
-I am 20 pounds overweight
-With a nap on Sunday, I exist quite nicely on 6 hours of sleep each night
-I can see without glasses or contact lenses, hear without hearing aids, smell, taste, and touch.  I am not aware of having ESP, telekinesis, or X-Ray vision.
-I am not on any medication
-My pulse is 61 bpm
-My blood pressure is 120/67
-My cholesterol is just over 200
-I have been to the emergency room three times in the last 12 years with chest pains.  They tell me my heart is fine (done EKGs, stress tests, etc.), but something doesn't feel right.  In fact, I have an appointment with a cardiologist in just over a week.  Each year I have about three month long periods of chest pains (typically at night).
-With the exception of the chest pain concern and being a little overweight (working on solutions to both of those things right now), I would say that I am in pretty good health.
-I think it is worth mentioning here that I have the body of Adonis. People come over to clean their clothes on my washboard abs.  I often get mistaken for Matthew McConaughey, and I routinely turn down offers to become an underwear model.

Well, there are the first 4 pieces of my stewardship package:  Financial Assets, Place, Time, and Health.  I am guessing that this is not too different from most of the people reading this blog.  The next pieces of the package are things that help us better identify how we are all uniquely created:  Passions, Spiritual Gifts, Talents/Skills, and Experiences.  I will dig into these one at a time in the upcoming posts. 

2008 P.F. Change - Stewardship Package - Introduction

A pastor who has been very influential in my life once said in a sermon that our calling was "where your passion intersects with the world's need".  I don't disagree, but I don't think the statement is entirely complete.  As of today, I would say something like,

You can make the biggest impact for the Kingdom of God by discovering how what you have been given can best meet the needs of the world.  This is not a good bumper sticker yet; so, it still needs some work. 

When most people hear the word "stewardship" they think finances.  I think it is much bigger than that.  I agree with Tozer and John Wesley who said we own NOTHING.  It is not just the first 10% of my paycheck, but my house, my health, my marriage, my kids, my dreams, my 401k, etc.  ALL belong to God.  In American culture this is such a hard concept to grasp.  I know this to be true in my head, but I will admit that I struggle with walking this out each day.  We need to look at EVERYTHING we have and simply understand it is God's not ours; we are just the stewards of ALL that we have been given.

For the last several (5?, 6?, 7? - I have lost count) I have passionately pursued the question of "How should I be spending my time?"  How can I be a good steward of the time given to me?  The journey to answer this question has taken me to some very interesting places in my mind and heart.  I wouldn't say I have arrived at any answers, but the field of view seems to be coming more into focus with each passing year.  The general answer to that question is:  Pursuing relationship with God and helping others to do the same (Love God, Love Others).  How that plays out in everyday life gets a little tricky:  What should I do with my day after showering and brushing my teeth?  That is a much harder question to answer. 

I think the answer in how I live each day should be lived in response to God's voice - that trumps all.  But, in the absence of a "burning bush" experience, I think we would be wise to find intersection points between the needs of our world and our "stewardship package".  In my previous posts I identified the needs that are on my radar screen.  Starting tomorrow, I will begin to identify what I consider to be my stewardship package.  After that, I will list some ways in which I think those two things intersect and consequently what action steps I am considering. 

In preparation for tomorrow's post, here is an incomplete list of the areas where I think we should all try to identify those things that have been entruted to our care:

Financial Assets

Time - in the 24 hours each day sense and in the "this time in all of history" sense

Place - geographically, socially, etc. - basically our circle of influence

Health

Passions

Gifts (as in spiritual gifts)

Talents and Skills

Experiences

2008 P.F. Change - The Needs - 2 through 5

Need #2:  Community
The extended family support system disappeared several decades ago.  The mega-churches (where anonymity is easy and often desired) are expanding at the expense of the small, community church.  We don’t even know the names of all the people who live in the homes adjacent to ours.  The pressures of just balancing work and family don’t leave any time for finding or investing in friendships.  We were built for relationship; it is part of our inner-wiring.  As time passes, however, this need is going unmet.  Here are some ways that our culture is attempting to fill that hole – from virtual communities (online gaming, chat rooms, Facebook, MySpace, etc.) to the emergence of “conversational hangout” businesses such as bakeries/delis, coffee shops and bookstores).

Need #3:  Time Management
We are not the farmers and assembly line workers of time past; we don’t wake up each day knowing exactly how we are going to spend our time.  We don’t have a rhythm of chores and tasks that need to be performed.  Our choices are open-ended and thus overwhelming.  As a result most of us live with this anxiety of “Am I spending my time wisely?”.  We suffer from paralysis from analysis.  We are under the tyranny of the urgent.  Our lives have become passive and reactive instead of intentional and focused. 

Need #4:  Dealing with Change
Most people don’t like change; most prefer the merry-go-round instead of the roller-coaster.  Change is messy (previous two sentences are references from the movie, Parenthood).  For most people who have lived on this planet; their lives were just like the lives of their parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.  That is not the case anymore.  We are living in transitional times, and the pace of change is only increasing.  We have seen three major shifts in the entire history of humanity: 

-shift from hunter-gatherers to agrarian societies
          -shift from agrarian to an industrial society
          -shift from an industrial society to an information society

In fact, many would say that the pace of change is so rapid, that those living today will experience two major shifts in their lifetime - the 3^rd one listed above which we are in the middle of right now, and then a shift from the information society to the conceptual society (See books such as A Whole New Mind). 

Like storms that develop when a cold front meets a warm front, our world is becoming increasingly hostile as the deep fundamentals of time (see time management above), space (the world is flat – cultures assimilating), and knowledge change.  Recognizing, acknowledging, accepting, and even embracing change are deep needs in our society today.  Change is here; let’s stop pretending it isn’t.  Shift Happens.

Need #5:  Creative Outlets.
We are made in God’s image, and God is the ultimate creator.  I believe this aspect of God’s character lies deep in our core.  I believe most of us find great satisfaction in seeing how things we design and/or create manifest themselves in the world and in the lives of others.  Like parents sending their kids off to school, we find great joy in sending our creations out into the world.  However, most of the joy and satisfaction comes in the process of creating and not the creation itself.  We all need to find healthy ways to find expression for the creative desire that lies dormant in most of our lives.

Summary
This list of needs is not exhaustive; there are many, many more.  However, these are the needs that capture MY attention.  In fact, I would say that these are felt needs in my own life.  It is also worth noting that these needs don’t exist independently of each other – they are all intertwined.

Future Posts on this topic:
-My Stewardship Package
-My Vision / Ideas on how My Stewardship Package intersects with the needs I have listed
-Conversation with myself 

2008 P.F. Change - Identifying the Needs - Transcendence

In my last few posts I have mentioned how I feel that God has put some things in my heart to consider pursuing.  Not always, but many times I think we are called to recognize the needs around us and then figure out how to use what has been given to us (what I call our stewardship package) to meet those needs.  If done for God' glory and in response to God's prompting, then this intersection of needs with our stewardship package is how each of us can make the biggest impact for the Kingdom of God.

In my next set of posts I will outline the needs that capture my attention the most: 

The Needs - Introduction
Interestingly enough, I think we most notice the needs for which our stewardship package is designed for meeting.  I also believe we recognize, tune, and grow in areas based on the needs we see.  So, recognizing needs and understanding our stewardship packages don't exist in a vacuum.  They work in ever increasing synchronicity - like dance partners.  I mention this because there are a lot of needs out there that I won't be listing (world hunger, health issues such as aids, cancer, etc., overloaded prisons, etc.). 

There is another reason I don't list what many would consider to be obvious "needs" - I think many of the needs listed by our politicians and preachers are symptoms and not root causes (e.g. - overloaded prisons, obesity, etc.). 

With those two disclaimers, I begin the list of needs that capture my attention.  Here is the first one:

Need #1:  Desire for Transcendence
We all desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves.  We are all looking for a bigger story in which we can play a part.  We are all searching for a way our lives can have meaning.

I believe that this is a God-given desire shared by all of humanity - regardless of time or culture.  In fact, I don't believe he "gives" it to us.  I think this desire is the result of turning to other things for meaning and significance in our lives.  The desire for transcendence is simply the gravity pulling us back toward God as we foolishly try jumping toward other things.

More people are beginning to realize that many of the things on which they placed their hope and desire for meaning hasn't worked.  Here is a list of a few failed / failing attempts of our culture to find transcendence outside of God: 

a.  The attempt to save ourselves – the death of Modernity.  We now know the universe is not as mechanistic and predictable as we once thought.  Science and technology have not brought us the utopia that was promised by those who ushered in “The Enlightenment”.  Certainty and control are wobbling in the knees and will fade in time with each generation that passes.

 

b.  Institutional religion.  With increasing frequency people who have gone to church their entire lives are noticing very little transformation in their life or in the lives of those around them.  Instead of blaming themselves for their repeated attempts to have a consistent quiet time, they are wondering if there is something wrong at the core of the church itself.  On the surface, the evangelical churches look very successful, but I believe that is just the larger churches assimilating people who have left the small, Baptist churches just as Wal-Mart and Home Depot are putting the mom and pop stores out of business.

 

c.  Fame and Fortune. 
We have seen the self-destruction of our wealthiest and most famous personalities since the introduction of films and television.  We did not learn from watching them.  We now live in an age of abundance, and most people are learning from their own experience that materialism doesn't fill the God- hole.  Here is a quote from the book A Whole New Mind:

"Abundance has brought many beautiful things to our lives, but that bevy of material goods has not necessarily made us much happier.  The paradox of prosperity is that while living standards have risen steadily decade after decade, personal, family, and life satisfaction haven't budged.  That's why more people - liberated from prosperity but not fulfilled by it - are resolving the paradox by searching for meaning.  As Andrew Delbanco puts it, 'The most striking feature of contemporary culture is the unslaked craving for transcendence."

 

d.  Ostriches. 
There is a group of people who live in denial of the call for transcendence in their lives.  These people do all they can to drown out the inner voice that we all hear - drugs, shopping, overeating, pornography, alcohol, are just  some of the behaviors that capture addicts into believing that they can fill that need in their lives.

 

e.  Superficial Existences. 
For example:  Sports are a wonderful part of our culture.  However, so many people make their association with a team or school a part of their core identity.  By associating with a sports team, one is given the chance to be part of something bigger than themselves – there are 100,000+ people Neyland Stadium for every home game!  I believe the generations behind me will be much less interested in placing their hope for meaning and search for transcendence in such superficial meta-narratives.

Simply, at an accelerated pace, people are realizing that they have put false hope in people, places, and things.  Even those who looked for transcendence in God are realizing that how they attempted to do that did not work for them.  It has a left a vacuum in our society.  As a result many feel ungrounded, insecure, and anxious as this core needs continues to go unmet.

Tomorrow’s Post:  Needs 2 – 5
Remaining Posts on the topic of P.F. Change:
-My Stewardship Package
-My Vision / Ideas on how My Stewardship Package intersects with the needs I have listed
-Conversation with myself